The Novice

I was about six years old the first time I ever saw an angel. I remember it well. I was in bed, supposed to be napping. I hated napping as a child and to this day I am not much of a napper as an adult. Too much energy to spend those moments relaxing! This particular day years ago had been a bad day; painful. I was six years-old keep in mind, my well-loved Raggedy Ann doll snuggled up by my side as I fruitlessly tried to calm my mind enough to drift off to sleep through my unhappiness. In bed during the middle of the day when suddenly a woman appeared at the foot of my bed; I felt the mattress move as she lowered herself down onto it. I can close my eyes and envision it like it was yesterday although it was nearly thirty-three years ago. The pink and white ruffly sheets of my childhood bed. My long kid-disheveled dark dishwater blond hair spread out over the pillow case while I tried to rest.

And the strange unknown otherworldly woman perched at the foot of my bed.

She was sitting there, her dress spread out around her, beckoning to me. Beautiful. Exquisite really. Gauzy and ethereal, like I had to focus hard to see her clearly. In my mind I heard my name spoken and I remember it sounded "odd." It wasn't until later I realized she spoke my name with an accent, British or Irish or Scottish~ I don't quite remember now. Long light curly hair. Pretty. Hopeful. Billowy periwinkle dress, and she was reaching out for me with a smile on her face and a light radiating from within. I remember feeling like I was dreaming while knowing I wasn't. Her smile was all too real, and the love I felt emanating from her was truth. I just sat there spellbound gazing at her while she smiled at me, both of us still. A sense of calm overtook me which, back then, made me think I must have been dreaming but I know now that I wasn't. She was an angel, or a guide, sent to comfort me. I won't ever forget the look on her face. Such love. Transcending. As she reached for me I was soothed and for a moment, healed.

As the years passed I wrote that experience off as a dream even though thirty-three years later I can remember it like it was yesterday. I also recall all the "stories" I used to write, ideas that came to me from dreams or "daydreams." Images that were sometimes only recorded in my numerous journals. The times I heard my name whispered right before falling asleep, or murmured upon awakening. My extremely strong deja vu. The glowing halo I noticed around certain people. My keen knowing about individuals... to the point where I could quickly either "like" a person or distrust them upon initially meeting them.

Unfortunately I was also an odd child. Socially awkward. Painfully shy. Books were my closest friends. As a child I often felt alone and isolated; characters such as Laura Ingalls Wilder and Ramona were some of my besties. Sensitive to a fault, I was, am and always will be a crier! I can readily join Madelyn and Kristy for a good cry-fest; when I get upset or angry I do not lash out- I cry. I wear my heart on my sleeve and tears are how I vent my frustration with the world. When I was younger I was ridiculed for my tendency for waterworks... but now as an adult I know that tears are a sign of the Intuitive. Being an Empath copious amounts of tears are my reality. I am sensitive and proud of it! But as a child and young adult being around people sapped me of my energy. I can feel people. I know their pain, their angst and worry; it becomes my own unless I really work at blocking it. In the past I had no idea what I was or how to control it so I would take on the emotions of those around me. I'm more aware now and work on shielding myself although I still don't do well around anger or extreme sadness. Both tend to make me jittery or exhausted.

I may have been an odd child but am a way cool adult, or so I'd like to think ;) In reality I am... unique! Blissfully. Like Madelyn I often get signs through my dreams. The imagery is presented loud and clear, lessons offered up in dream form. Upon awakening I'm armed with a pad of paper, pen wielded in hand while I peer through sleepy blurred eyes to jot down my dream images so I can study them later. I often find myself thanking God for the clear answers to questions I may have via a specific dream I've been blessed with. I've always been a vivid dreamer to the extent where I astrally project and have since I was young. I know and can easily discern my nighttime images that are simple dreams and those "dreams" where I am projecting. It took many years but now I do know it for what it is. I'm not just flying in my dreams- my soul is soaring. I'll explain one of these dreams in more details in a future post but suffice to say they are amazing!

Most recently I have received angel and spirit guide messages for myself and other people. It has been a concrete step in my spiritual development, one that has caused me both angst as well as celebration. Angst due to my natural tendency to doubt/overanalyze and celebration because it has opened my eyes as well as connected me further with Madelyn and Kristy... showing me there is so much more to life than simply what I can physically see.

My confessions...

I doubt hugely my own powers, abilities and specialness. Learning and believing that I have my own spiritual abilities has been an arduous journey, one in which I have not nearly reached an end. Much of this is new to me. I battle my doubt on a daily basis. I pray and ask for strength in knowing myself. Having faith, hope and trust in God and my angels can be a chore for me. Sometimes faith means wanting a blinking illuminated sign in 1980's hot pink flashing "It's Not Just Your Imagination Jennifer!!!" for me to accept my own abilities. But my faith is growing stronger, and they, my guides and angels, deal with me. I have divine support even through those times when I doubt! They believe me even when I don't believe in myself, and isn't that a most wonderful thing?

I am afraid of open water even though symbolically water is very important to me. I love the water, am entranced by it but at the same time am somewhat frightened by its enormity. Half of my dreams concern water of some kind or another. Mother Nature is powerful and so is the element of water. It is, of course, a sign for me to "dive right in" and "take the plunge" although it's not as easy as it seems!

I love to karaoke and despite a shy streak am a huge drama queen diva. Get a microphone in my hand and I am in my element; I do love to sing. It raises my energy and elevates my soul.

Dragonflies are drawn to me; my friends call me "The Dragonfly Whisperer" because they flock to me, land on me and allow me to inspect them. Each year I am pleasantly surprised by how the dragonflies in my yard wait for me to get home and then flutter around me to get my attention. I love to photograph them!

There's much more to tell but I can't share all my secrets at once. Must leave items to be revealed through other blog posts! I have had my share of disembodied knocking and whispers but nothing like the experiences of Kristy or Madelyn; this is why I think of myself as "the novice." I've spend part of my life not acknowledging much of the weirdness or writing it off as my own overactive imagination, pushing it away. Only upon reflection am I realizing that much of it was and is real... and it's okay for me to accept it as such. More than okay- exciting and part of who I am as a person and as a very sensitive intuitive and spiritually able woman. I will readily admit that I'm not as knowing as my two counterparts who have asked me to join them in this venture; I have no idea what "Clair" I am: clairsentient? clairvoyant? claircognizant? Somehow I don't think it's the labeling of myself that matters but more so being comfortable introducing this side of myself; I haven't until this point- here and now.

One thing my guides and angels have urged on me these last months is love. Love love love... love is the end all and be all of existence. Love is what makes the world go 'round. No matter my doubts worries or even my celebrations I do make sure to keep love close to my heart. And you should too.

Take care and God bless,

Jennifer